Interpersonal conflicts are very common in everyday lives. Personally, I classify conflicts into 2 categories, internal (within oneself) and external (between 2 or more parties). Some conflicts can really spoil your day while some, you'll just sleep on it and forget about it the next morning. Well, different people will handle it differently and it really all depends on how you handle the situation and perceive it.
I still remember the faithful day, 31st August 2008. It was the day when runners from all over the world joined together to participate in the Nike + Human Race 10K, clocking a total of 79,275 participants representing 142 countries. My friends and I decided to challenge the race and fortunately, we survived! However, it did not end on a good note.
The starting point of the race was near Esplanade, so all of us decided to pool our belongings together and keep in one of my friend, A’s locker in SMU (Singapore Management University) which was quite near Esplanade. The race proceeded and after the long and tiring run, we finally made it through the finishing line but we did not finish as a group due to different running pace. Hence, we made our way back to the locker in SMU separately. However, when my friends and I reached there, we were unable to find A to grant us access to the locker as only A holds the matriculation card to enter the campus. So poor me and my friends had to wait for A to come back then we could retrieve our belongings.
As the minutes and seconds crawled by, we begin to lose our patience when our wait leads to no avail. So we decided to borrow a phone from one of the shops nearby in attempt to call A and our own phones, no one picked up. After numerous attempts, A finally picked up the phone and A came down to bring us up. We were all puzzled by why we could not contact A and after exchanging a couple of words, we then realized that he actually went to bathe after the run and was with his girlfriend chatting happily upstairs. This made all of us really furious and A and some of my other friends actually got into a quarrel. “Here we are waiting anxiously for you to ‘save’ us and there you are bathing and chatting with your girlfriend!”
I think that A is really very irresponsible. Knowing that all of us are missing, A should at least take the initiative to wait for us to come back before going to bath. With all the rage stirring up, we exchanged some really impolite phrases and all of us departed on a sour note.
I’m sure no one felt good about this. I think that A must have been feeling wronged for having so many fingers pointed at him and the rest of us must have been feeling frustrated at A for being so irresponsible. All of us then had sour feelings and left. After cooling down, I’m sure many of us will regret for acting rashly as it will definitely leave a scar on our friendship. It’s not worth spoiling our friendship for something so trivial. However, at that spur of the moment, one will just be so blinded by anger and just blurt out whatever that is on one’s mind without thinking of the consequences.
In such a situation, I feel that it is more of a conflict of interest that has sparked off such problem. All of us just wanted to retrieve our belongings as soon as possible but A wanted to spend time with his girlfriend and thus cleanly forgotten about the whole group of us waiting for him. Well, I’m sure we did something that made all of us feel bad but it is impossible to turn back time. If you were in the same shoes as me, how would you react to the situation upon learning that A is being so irresponsible?
hey Michelle!
ReplyDeleteI would definitely be furious with him for being so irresponsible. It is like a common sense that your friends and you will need to retrieve your belongings from him. However, I suppose it might be because you all didn't confirm any meeting time and place and that he finished the race quite early.
I guess to control this anger at the moment would be rather difficult. Think before reacting? I would probably be a 'silent angry person' and not sprout out impolite phrases that I would regret after that. I guess it is easier to show your anger to closer friends.
So, we need to learn to be not impulsive!
=)
Hey Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI guess he must have really felt angry upon seeing that all of you were angry too and said that he was the person who committed such a big booboo from the quote "Here we are....". Imagine being felt like everyone infront of you was against you. Perhaps you guys should have first calmed down and have one person explain to him in private how he could have the made the situation better and make sure he knows how he affected everyone in a nicer way.
Like perhaps saying " Hey.. You know when we were all waiting for you, we felt that you took so long.. A few of us really needed to rush off and were uncontactable, so it would have been better if you had made it back earlier!
I'm not too sure how to phrase it better actually as I know that it is very difficult to deal with your anger and yet still be cordial to the one who made you mad in the first place. In fact I struggle with doing so too. So I guess learning to communicate during conflict actually takes a lot of skill, patience and even magnanimity after all! We are all learning anyway, so you aren't in this alone!
Dear Sze Hui,
ReplyDeleteWell, I agree with you that sometimes, it is the close friends that you will take them for granted. But after the incident, the whole group of us are still good friends! From this experience, I have learnt to be more organised and make sure that we make arrangements and give clear instructions before setting off. Isn't this a great example of miscommunication? Haha
Dear Jane,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that it is really difficult to curb our anger and yet still be affable. I am still learning the art of it and I really hope to master it some day! Cheers!